Thursday, April 19, 2012

Overwrought or Overthought?

I spend a lot of time thinking about the future and not coming to any conclusions. If I wanna sail away why don’t I? Because I need the money to make it work. So here I sit making the money I need and asking these questions.

It’s not really that difficult when you remove the influence of another person, lover, wife, significant other because they clog up the works on what you actually want to do.  

And then remove the desire to excel at a profession.  The tech writing is a means to an end.

The music on the other hand is still my first love. But that may be changing with the lack of success with the band.

I have enough going on that I can’t focus too clearly on any one thing. That is a problem. I really have to get a grip on what is important. I see Terry and Buddy and Tom and Jeff and Sam and I wonder when the bottom will fall out for me. That only increases the stress and pressure to move in the direction that I choose.

Getting the boat ready and leaving is only a part of what I want to accomplish in the next 20 years. Writing and recording that CD is still on the list. Writing fiction is another. I don’t feel I have the life experience that some of these guys I know have. Sure, I have some of my own but I don’t see it. I need to have a mirror to reflect back on me to see what they are.  Hence, the blog.

That is separate from the health issue that I see with the fellows I’ve mentioned above. I see my plan coming together in the next few months for downsizing and living more cheaply. Until then, it’s hold and wait. So while I’m waiting I need to plan for the eventuality of the goals being met.

For the short term – I’ll finish training and doing the MS150; spend a few bucks to get the solar panel  system installed; clean the fuel tank and get the engine running again; re-wire the 120V circuit; get the taxes done; passport.

For the mid term – get the 401k stuff transferred and set up the contribution amount; maybe sell the Miata; make the wood repairs to the sailboat; (cut vents in the hanging locker, replace the bottoms of the storage areas, vent the head medicine cabinet, build the companion way boards, install the composting head and remove the blackwater tank and pumpout port; close off the required thru hulls; curtains; galley cooking arrangement).

For the long term – get the fiberglass repaired and painted; step the mast and update the running rigging; replace the engine; finish getting rid of the excess stuff in storage.

Some form of personal relationship? I have an opportunity with a woman that’s interested in me but there’s much to consider. Do I want to make the room in the plan for her? That would require compromises I’m not certain I want to make. The conversation illustrates to me how alone I am and I’d like to have someone to share stuff with. I’d be a lucky guy to capture her attention and time. Right now it’s all up in the air. Isn’t it always? I’ve learned enough now to know that none of that stuff is permanent.  Circumstances change and so do people. A solid intimate relationship today can turn into a nasty separation later. I guess that’s the price to pay. Nothing is forever.

That helps. Looking at it on the screen makes it easier to organize what needs to be done. I’m told I overthink stuff but I don’t see that as a bad thing.  I have to line up the ducks to get the most out of the limited funds and time I have.

I’m giving this new gig 24 months. On one hand because I just don’t wanna to office work no more and on the other because my plan calls for having the boat ready by the time I turn 55. Scary, it’s not that far off. 26 months. But who’s counting? I hope to go cruising for 12 to 18 months and then come home. If it goes longer than that that’s okay too. Shoot. If I never come back and spend the rest of my days lazing around the world in the boat then so be it. Otherwise I’ll come back and re-evaluate and perhaps go back to tech writing.

I’d prefer not to do that but it’s lucrative and I have the contacts. We’ll see. I’m betting on living off of the music and photography and the occasional girlfriend. What else is there? I’ve learned that everything is short term. Marriage, work, health, life in general. I no longer see the point of dedicating myself to something only to lose it in the long run. Getting by on less and enjoying people and places makes more sense now than it ever has before. I expect I’ll live a longer, healthier life by leaving my present world behind.

When I look at things in this new light I have a harder time getting upset about things. Other than being stuck until I can make it happen, that is.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

On Making Lists, Keeping an Eye on the Ball and Quality Napping

It’s so easy to lose focus. With all that is going on in our lives, we tend to deal with what’s on fire right in front of us and put off getting to the other, more important stuff later. Of course, the assumption is there will be a later.
For me it’s: 1) the day job, 2) selling off the stuff that doesn’t fit the plan anymore and 3) getting the last of the taxes paid on some rental property I own.
The day job is self explanatory. Without it, all the other stuff isn’t funded. When things get shaky at work all of the rest is in jeopardy. The effect is twofold; on the one hand I have to knuckle down and get serious about pleasing the work powers that be and on the other I have to remember that there is more to life than work. Tiz a tough balance to maintain.
Taxes are taxes.  "Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s…" and all of that. Doing so usually puts some pressure on the checkbook and requires some careful timing and eating cheap for several weeks. Try as I might it’s always stressful.
Of course, the main goal is to get debt free and eventually sail off for a couple of years--maybe several years. Losing sight of that goal is too easy. I get caught up in the day-to-day numbers and schedules and details of getting through each day. The hard part is dealing with what is right in front of me while looking over its shoulder to the big goal. So what I’ve done is create a list. I’m a daily list kinda guy but this is one that I’ll post by the door so I can see it several times a day. I’ve even put it up at work.  The list covers what I want to accomplish for the next 12 months. I even called it, “Here are the 12 (or so) things I want to accomplish for 2012.” That’s as descriptive a title as I could come up with. The things include:
* Meditate, stretch and drop the sugar
* No more lottery tickets, vending machine garbage or munching
* Get serious about writing lyrics and blog entries. Seriously work on the guitar act
* Bicycle instead of drive whenever possible
* Get a local doctor and physical exam
* Finish the solar panel installation
* Install a composting toilet
* Log at least six hours of sailing a month
* Use the kerosene stove
* Learn to fish and clean fish
While some of these things don’t seem all that difficult, several are. I’ve been a sugar-holic for years so that’s a toughie to beat. Driving is sooo much easier when it’s just a short hop to the store. The kerosene stove thing is about cooking and I’m not much on cooking. It takes time, planning and doing stuff that is so much easier to get from opening a bag or package. Yep. It’s gonna take some effort.
I figure 30 minutes a day to meditate, maybe an hour or two a week for the guitar act, how much time does learning to cook take? No more lottery tickets and such is actually saving time, I suppose. Fishing? How do you figure that in?
And then there's getting in some quality napping.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Well here I sit with my feet on the table and the laptop on my lap. Where else? It's been a busy and rewarding day. One of those where you feel you can acutally say you did something.

The cat is storing up energy on the new mattress top in the forward berth and I can actually see places in the boat that have been covered up by stuff for the last year. I've got John Prine on the speakers and am contemplating something to drink.

I've got work tomorrow and that means an early night. This 'early to bed and early to rise' stuff can be a pain sometimes.

I spent the time driving to and from Florida making some decisions. Things like; I'm going to eat less of everything and sugar in particular; I'll make a point of meditating at least once a day; To think more positively and spend at least six hours a month sailing. You know, actually taking the boat into the bay! I sat at the coffee shop writing these and several more plans down to print out and keep near the door and maybe at work. I'm a list kinda guy but never to this extent. We'll see if it works.

By this time next year I plan to have the boat ready to go. That's a pretty big step so I may let myself slip on the schedule by a few months. Frankly, I'm tired of waiting and letting myself off of various hooks. That's another of the habits to break. Time is just too short to play that game any more.

I hope you're motivated to something similar. Stop waiting for something better to happen and put out the effort to make it happen.